One Day
by Aykia Kizitsu
Summary: This Story features short adventures in which the gang descover how even regular, everyday objects can be DEADLY WEAPONS. MWAHAHAHA!!!!!
1. Devil Spawned Death Trap Blender

I was board, with a MAJOR lack of inspiration. 'Nuff said.  
  
One day there was a Yami and a Hikari . . .  
  
Or was there . . .  
  
So anyway there was one midget with hair, and a slightly taller midget with hair . . .  
  
So they both had hair. Most of us do, unless you happen to be an 87 year old geezer in a retirement home because your 86 year old wife left you far the gut in the red sports car and you are currently living off the lint in your pocket. Since I'm guessing you're not, I'll elaborate.  
  
Their hair looked like they had dumped nuclear waste on it and then added a firecracker into the mix.  
  
Anyway, that's not the point. The point is that the midget and the slightly taller midget were there. With the hair. Wait . . . that had no point . . . anyway, if there's a point I'm sure we'll get to it someday . . . maybe when Yami Marik graduated from his anger management classes . . . AS I was saying . . . Someday.  
  
So these two . . . unique . . . people, were walking. Where they were walking? Like hell I know. Why would I know? What makes you fathom that I could POSSIBLY know something as STUPID as where they are going.  
  
So anyway they were going . . . somewhere. Maybe some unknown deity would know, maybe if I dialed up Ra on my cell, he gave me his number. Us two, we go WAAAYYYYYYY back. Long story short. You don't wanna know.  
  
But unfortunately, we will not touch on my relations with the Egyptian god of the sun, nor shall we touch on why or where these two aforementioned people are headed, because this story, in fact, has nothing to do with them at all.  
  
. . . wow, I just wasted half a page on a non relevant or important in any way topic. Go me.  
  
Now, you might be asking yourself, well then who or what is this story (if you can call it that) about? What is this authoress doing? Is she high? Is that my mother telling me to get my lazy ass of the computer and get a life?  
  
Well, I have the answers to those questions . . . sort of. I, the authoress, have absolutely no idea what I'm doing, nor do I really care. No, I am not high, yes, that is probably your mother, just ignore her and read this collection of sentences that I have put together in the hopes of sounding humorous. As if.  
  
And no, by the way, I have no idea who this story will be about. Guess I should figure it out eh? Hmmm . . . lets see . . . Ah, I might have an idea! Well here goes nothing!  
  
!@#$%^&*()_+!@#$%^&*()_+!@#$%^&*()_+!@#$%^&*()_+  
  
One day there was a Yami and a Hikari.  
  
No, they were not midgets, but, they DID have hair . . .  
  
It was white, the hair I mean, but since I do not expect to entertain you with a story about the nature of these two individual's hair, I will move on.  
  
One of these boys, the Hikari to be precise, was shy and polite. The other, the Yami, was rude, outgoing, and rather impolite.  
  
Thus putting it lightly.  
  
Henceforth, they shall be referred to as "Ryou" and "Bakura." Ryou, being the Hikari, Bakura being the Yami.  
  
Anyway, they were doing something, obviously, I mean when is any one being not?  
  
Moving on . . .  
  
Currently, Bakura was causing some trouble for poor Ryou.  
  
"What in the bloodiest regions of the ninth hell is that!!!" Bakura's shriek could be heard piercing through the morning mist over Domino City. Birds took flight in alarm all along the street on which Ryou's house was situated.  
  
Ryou was awakened quite rudely by his Yami's . . . query. He rushed down to the source of Bakura's shriek, nearly tripping over discarded garments and other unimportant objects strewn down the hallway and stairs. Ahh, the life of Ryou, the only responsible soul in the house. His father was often away, while his Yami . . . well let's just say he didn't take a fancy to laundry.  
  
When he reached the kitchen, he found his Yami, backed up against the stove, and trying to get away further. Further from what, Ryou did not immediately see, but he soon found out. On the counter, opposite his Yami, sat a . . . blender. He looked incredulously at his Yami. He was shaking, muttering Egyptian wildly under his breath.  
  
"Bakura . . . Yami! What's wrong!" Ryou asked his crazed Yami.  
  
"That . . . that devil spawned death trap tried to lure me to my demise!" Bakura yelled, as if this was the mast terrifying, and obvious thing in the world. Ryou was, all at once, amused and sympathetic.  
  
Ryou sighed, "Yami, it's only a blender, see?" He led his Yami like a child over to the offending appliance. "It's not going to try and attack you."  
  
"That's just what it WANTS you to think!!!" Screamed Bakura, jumping back, a crazed look in his eyes. He pointed a finger accusingly at the blender. "I was just looking at it, then . . ." He paused for dramatic effect before crying, "BOOM!!!!!!!!! It goes all PSYCO on you, whirling it's BLADES of DEATH and SCREAMING unholy CURSES UPON YOU AND YOUR FIRST BORN CHILD!!!!!!" His voice had risen to an ear-splitting climax with his last accusation.  
  
"Ryou sweatdropped, "you must have just pressed the button, see?"  
  
Ryou innocently pressed the "on" button to try and show his Yami just how harmless the blender was. The blender started up. It was rather old so it made quite a racket when activated.  
  
His Yami gave an unholy shriek as he leaped away from it. "SEE! I TOLD YOU!!!! IT WILL COME FOR US ALL!"  
  
And with that, one crazy, paranoid Yami, grabbed one, confused Hikari, and ran out the door, away from the "devil spawned death trap" that was Ryou's blender.  
  
Ah, the joys of living with a 5 000 year old spirit . . . Ryou thought dryly. I'll bet Yugi's Yami can't wait to hear this one . . .  
  
!@#$%^&*()_+!@#$%^&*()_+!@#$%^&*()_+!@#$%^&*()_+  
  
YEP. . .  
  
. . .  
  
. . . O.o  
  
. . .  
  
X.x  
  
YEEEUUUP. 


	2. The Ketchup Bottle from the Abyss

I'm continuing! Dear Ra, you must think I'm crazy . . . I DON"T BLAME YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
So anyway, where we left off in the last chapter, was with Ryou and Bakura marching down the street, away from Ryou's house, because of the life threatening weapon there, the Devil Spawned Death Trap Blender. YEUP.  
  
Now, this next collection of sentences deals with the pair described, perhaps not so well in the beginning of my last chapter.  
  
If you recall, I rambled on quite a bit about a certain Yami and his Hikari with weird hair. If you don't, please refer to chapter one.  
  
GUESS WHAT! I think I know what they're doing now! This might actually have a point!!  
  
Ha! Did you actually fall for that!! This story . . . having a point . . . that has GOT to be the most REDICULOUS thing I have EVER heard in my ENTIRE life!!!!  
  
But . . . low and behold I, Crystal Hikari, the crazy authoress whose fic you are currently attempting to decipher, knows what Yami Yugi and Yugi Motou are doing, at THIS point in time, in THIS fan fiction.  
  
They are having a barbecue.  
  
No, they are not planning to invite anyone, not for lack of trying though. Joey was taking his sister to see a movie, Tristen was stalking them, Kaiba didn't care, and Ryou . . . well I think you know where he is.  
  
As for Tea, who really cares?  
  
So anyway, Grandpa was away, and Yugi had dragged out the old, (and I do mean old) barbecue, and was currently attempting to set it up. Yami was watching, puzzled, from the sidelines.  
  
"Hikari, if you don't mind me asking, WHAT are you doing?"  
  
"I'm . . . trying . . . to get out . . . the . . . barbecue . . ." Yugi replied, pausing to take a breath after each word. The old thing was HUGE, and it took all the strenght in little Yugi's body just to pull the damn thing onto their small patch of backyard grass behind the turtle game shop.  
  
"Um, may I ask why?" Yami asked tentatively. His poor little light was not in the best of moods, having planed a get together with his friends and then finding out none of them could come.  
  
"NO! You may NOT ask why!!" Yes, Yugi was definitely NOT in a good mood.  
  
"Okay then . . . want help with that?"  
  
"NO!"  
  
"Okay . . . I'll leave you to it then . . ."  
  
Yami returned to the shop, giving Yugi time to vent his frustration on the poor, rusting, barbecue.  
  
!@#$%^&*()_+!@#$%^&*()_+!@#$%^&*()_+  
  
So, after some more screaming, kicking, and shouting, the cursed barbecue was set up. Yugi had wasted no time putting hamburgers on to cook, muttering something about 'stupid, obstinate, freak, losers that I used to call friends.'  
  
Later, Yami returned from once again beating every video game Yugi owned to see his Hikari finishing the burgers, and setting them out for the two to eat. He came out, hoping to find that Yugi's anger had burnt out.  
  
Well it had . . . almost.  
  
"Here." said Yugi thrusting a plastic plate into Yami's hands. A smell, somewhere between the mix of burned food and rotten eggs reached his unsuspecting nostrils. He inspected the plate. Upon a half-frozen bun, sat a small, charred disc. It was supposed to be a hamburger.  
  
"Um, aibou . . ." Yami questioned softly, not wanting Yugi mad again, "What is this. . ."  
  
He stopped short at the look Yugi was giving him.  
  
"THAT is a FINELY barbecued HAMBURGER." He said, grating his teeth together, "I SLAVED over the fiery pits of that DAMN barbecue to MAKE IT! You . . . BETTER ENJOY IT!!!"  
  
"I'm sure I will Hikari . . . why wouldn't I?? Heh . . . Heh . . ." Yami looked down on the blackened piece of burnt meat that ha was supposed to be eating and shuddered. It's not fair! The Tomb Robbers Hikari can cook!  
  
Yami closed the cold bun over the piece of . . . what used to be meat. His Hikari eyed him, daring him to complain. Closing his eyes, he murmured a quick prayer to every deity he had ever heard of and then . . . he took a bite.  
  
Wincing, he waited until he mastered his stomach enough to be able to open his mouth without throwing up, then he said, "It's . . . excellent hikari . . ."  
  
Yugi sneered, something Yami didn't think his Hikari was capable of, and then he positively snarled, "It better be."  
  
Yami glanced around, looking to find something to relieve his tongue, which, by the way was in agony. His violet/crimson eyes rested on a small, red bottle.  
  
"Yugi, what's this?" he asked, holding it up.  
  
"It's ketchup." He muttered, trying to digest his own burger. His temper seemed to be dying out, "You put it on hamburgers."  
  
'anything to make this thing taste good' Yami thought. He inspected the white top of the bottle, trying to figure out how to open it. He succeeded in flipping of the cap. Now he was staring down a tiny hole. 'why would anyone make it so small!' He tried to put some of the red substance on his burger, but it did not want to come out of the small hole.  
  
Yugi watched amusedly as his Yami turned the bottle around so it, once more was right side up, with the opening up.  
  
Yami brought up the bottle close to his face, trying to see why the ketchup didn't come out. Maybe it was blocked? His eye was inches from the hole when he got the bright idea to squeeze the bottle. Hard.  
  
"AAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Yami's cry filled the air. Yugi fell in a fit of laughter, completely forgetting his food, when he saw his Yami.  
  
His entire face was red. Ketchup covered his hair and part of his clothes. 'What IS THIS STUFF!!!"  
  
He spat out ketchup out and tried his best to get it out of his eyes. "THIS IS NOT FUNNY YUGI!!!!"  
  
"Yes it is!!" Yugi managed to get out before collapsing in a fit of giggles once more.  
  
In rage, Yami picked up the ketchup bottle once more and pointed it at Yugi.  
  
"Yami . . . you wouldn't DARE!"  
  
"Wanna BET!?"  
  
In a flash, Yugi was covered, head to toe in the same red substance. "ARGH! YAMI!"  
  
Yugi picked up a nearby bottle of mustard and now, Yami had a nice, rather large spot of yellow on his new leather pants.  
  
And so, that concludes are adventures with the Yami and the Hikari with weird hair.  
  
A loud "NOT YET!" Is heard as both Yami and Yugi point their . . . weapons at . . . ME!  
  
"AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!" 


End file.
